Yesterday
Yesterday began much like every other day. We woke up, ate breakfast, prayed, and I took Nicole to work. There were remnants of snow left on the ground from the previous evening, yet the day was warmer than it had been. After dropping Nicole off, I headed to a coffee shop to finish some work for a class which involved me constructing my statement on who I believe Christ to be. This seems easy but quickly turned to be a daunting task. I began by reading a previous statement on God. I quickly went over the lines reflecting God’s righteousness, justice, and other qualities before coming to the last. I remember in writing the statement that I left two things to the end on purpose: God’s goodness and love. My perspective of God and His nature tells me that everything He does or scripture claims about Him flows from these attributes. Of course these have their own roots in His glory, but I believe that His wrath, justice, mercy, grace, discipline, etc. flow from the goodness and love of God. Some may disagree and I’m okay with that. What I do know is that this led me to worship as I thought and meditated on it.
A few hours later as I sat emailing my final statement to my professor, I received a phone call from Nicole telling me she was sick. We took her to an urgent care (lack of health insurance) and was instructed to take her straight to the E.R. The E.R. experience was like none other in the fact that it was efficient. Nicole was rushed to the back and tests were started. No one knew what was happening except their was major pain, and her blood pressure dropped dramatically within 20 minutes. As tests came back, we were given the wonderful knews that she was pregnant. Minutes later, that news was overshadowed with the fact that it was a tubal pregnancy and had ruptured. At 10:30pm, she was rushed into surgery having one of her tubes removed. Things went well in surgery more than 2 liters of blood were removed from her stomache. When she came out, she was more distraught over the loss of our first baby than the physical pain she felt. I broke at that point.
As I type, I sit overlooking her hospital bed watching her sleep and wishing I could take her pain. I was meditating this past week on suffering and how I might show Christ through it. Now, here Iam. Some might question my suffering, but I would say to them, “You know nothing of it until you watch one you love deeply writhe in pain physically then emotionally.” But I say all this for one purpose: God is good! God is love! And I believe that the hurt will bring good.
Great post man. Sorry to hear of your loss.
Praying bro.